In God We Trust

Obama Goes to Fabulous Las Vegas on September 12, 2012

 

By Dr. Donald W. Hendon
DonaldHendon.com

This fractured fairy tale is about what might have happened when Obama flew to Las Vegas on September 12, the day after the first terrorist bombings in Egypt and Libya. Of course, it didn’t really happen. After all, it’s only a fractured fairy tale. Enjoy the satire.

Michelle Obama is taking a mid-day nap. She has this dream:

It’s early the same morning. Obama is shaving, getting ready for his eighth quickie trip to Las Vegas this year. 

Michelle walks into the bathroom and starts harassing her husband as usual. “Why don’t you go to more of your daily intelligence briefings? Fox News says you hardly ever go.”

Barack: I go more than you think I do. Fox News says I attended 44 percent of them. That ain’t bad.

Michelle: 44 percent? I thought it was more like 10 percent! Why do you skip so many?

Barack: Well, duh! They’re called intelligence briefings. I’m not intelligent! That’s why!

Michelle: So who are you gonna send in your place? I hope you don’t send that clueless Joe Biden—he’s even dumber than you are.

Barack: That’s why I picked him, Michelle. He makes me look good by comparison.

He breaks into his famous smile.

Michelle: Don’t try that phony Jimmy Carter smile on me, Barack Hussein. It fools most of the people most of the time, but it doesn’t fool me any of the time. Remember, I’m not just your wife, I’m your beard.

Special note to readers: According to Kevin DuJan, the term beard refers to a caustic black woman who marries a gay black man who wants to hide his homosexuality (stay down-low, in other words.) It’s a marriage of convenience. Go to Hillbuzz.org for more information.  

Barack cringes and then says: I wish you’d stop trying to henpeck me, Michelle. Please stop. Don’t make me cry again.  

Michelle decides to change the subject. She asks: Are you going to the intelligence briefing today?

Barack: Why should I? I’ve got a gig in Las Vegas. At the Cashman Center in North Las Vegas. Gonna raise big bucks. Kal Penn’s coming with me. You know, the gay guy from all those Harold and Kumar movies. He’s also in the TV show, How I Met Your Mother.   

Michelle: Yeah, I remember him. You made him your Associate Director of the White House Office of Pubic Engagement just so you could be close to him.

Barack: Kal and I will have a lot of hot fun on the plane, maybe do a little gambling at one of Sheldon Adelson’s casinos, the Palazzo or the Venetian. He’ll have to shut it down to accommodate me. He’ll lose a lot of money. That will serve him right for being a conservative and raising money for Romney!

Both of them laugh out loud for about a minute.  

Michelle: I really think you should attend the intelligence briefing today. I heard on MSNBC that Arabs have stormed our embassies in Egypt and Libya.

Barack: Who cares? I’ve missed so many briefings, another one won’t count. All of the news media, except maybe for Fox News, don’t care. I sure don’t care! I enjoy being president—I can do whatever I want without actually working. And today, I wanna go to Vegas with Kal Penn. And bask in the glory of the crowds at the Cashman Center in North Las Vegas. It’ll give me another good chance to apologize to Muslims for being an American! Gotta plan for my future after November. 

Michelle’s going to answer, but Barack continues by saying: What do you think of the idea of living in Dubai? They said they’d build an indoor golf course for me, so I won’t break a sweat.

Michelle: I don’t like the Middle East. Hummus sucks! So does falafel. And don’t get me started on foul mudammes. It’s really, really foul!

Barack: Well, I like the Middle East. I feel more at home there than I do in the US. Muslims—they’re my kind of folks. Heck, I don’t even feel at home in Dearborn, Michigan, and there’s lots and lots of Muslims there. There’s just something about Muslims in the Middle East that you can’t get anywhere else in the world!

Michelle: Yeah, a lot of hot weather.

Barack: As they always say in Vegas, “At least it’s a dry heat!”

As he leaves to get on the helicopter to take him to Air Force One, he says: Hey, Michelle, I’m gonna try and get in a few rounds of golf at one of the country clubs while I’m in Vegas. Somebody on the news said I’ve played more than 100 rounds since I became emperor, er I mean president. I’d like to play a lot more, and I just love those Vegas golf courses with the mountains in the background.

After his speech at the Cashman Center, Obama and Kal Penn start playing golf at one of the more exlusive golf courses in Vegas.

Suddenly, the ghost of Liberace suddenly appears. He says in a sinisterly sweet voice, “Stop playing golf. Come over to my museum, which is my old house, on East Tropicana Avenue. I’ve got a party planned just for you.”

What kind of party? Find out in my next Fractured Fairy Tale.

Copyright (c) 2012 by Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon


 

In Dr. Donald W. Hendon's book, 365 Powerful Ways to Influence, you learn to use 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive tactics, 24 cooperative tactics, 16 submissive tactics, and 81 dirty tricks to get what you want from other people—plus 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them.  There are many political examples.  Learn more about his book at www.donaldhendon.com.  Download Chapter 1 there, free of charge.  And watch for his latest book, co-authored by Jay Conrad Levinson.  Titled Guerrilla Deal-Making, It contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways.  It’s available for pre-order right now at Amazon.com.