Obama Tricks-or-Treats Wearing a Mitt Romney Mask - A Fractured Fairy Tale
By Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
It’s Halloween Day, 2012. 2 pm in Washington. Obama
is depressed. He’s fed up with the campaign. He
figures he’s too far behind in the polls to win, so
he decides to take a day off. He’s got a good
excuse—Hurricane Sandy and all the flooding is
dominating the news. But instead of flying to the
hard-hit areas, his natural laziness takes over, and
he flies to Beverly Hills instead with Sasha and
Malia. Here’s what happened when he told his
daughters they’re all going to California.
Sasha: What are we gonna do in Beverly Hills, daddy?
Obama: I’m taking you and Malia trick-or-treating.
In the richest neighborhood in sunny California. No
flooding out there. Lots of rich folks, too.
Malia: Wow! Beverly Hills! I’ll bet we get some
really good treats there. Last year, we
trick-or-treated in that terrible Anacostia
neighborhood. I didn’t get any treats at all—too
many poor people. I’m glad we’re not
trick-or-treating in Southeast Washington again this
year.
Sasha: I wanted to go to Georgetown, remember? Lots
of rich people there!
Obama: Yeah, I made a big mistake last year. But I’m
gonna make up for it this year, kids. I even bought
costumes for you to wear. Sasha, you put on this Big
Bird costume. Malia, you put on this Kermit the Frog
costume. We gotta show our support for Sesame
Street!
Malia: What are
you
gonna wear, daddy?
Obama: I’m wearing a Mitt Romney mask.
Sasha: I’ve been doing some studying, daddy. It
costs $180,000 per hour to operate Air Force One.
Malia: Where did you get that, smarty-pants? Fox
News?
Sasha: Nope. ABC News.
Obama: So it costs $180,000 per hour. So what? We’re
the royal family of America. It takes 5 hours to fly
to California and 5 hours back. That’s around $2
million dollars! We’re worth it!
Sasha: Daddy, even in Beverly Hills, I know I’m not
going to get $2 million dollars worth of treats.
Let’s do this instead—stay here, and give Malia and
me $1 million each? I can buy lots and lots of
dresses with a million dollars!
Obama: No, girls, we’re flying to Beverly Hills.
Right now. Here’s your costumes. You can them on
after you get on the plane.
Malia: Is Mommy coming with us?
Obama: No, she’s going back to Chicago. She’s gonna
trick-or-treat in our old neighborhood. But she’s
going to skip Bill Ayer’s house this year. All he
ever gives out at Halloween are autographed copies
of Dreams from My Father.
Sasha: Didn’t
you write that book, daddy?
Obama smiles and ignores her question.
Sasha thinks to herself, “Gee, that’s so typical! He
ignores our questions just like he ignores questions
at his few news conferences.”
On the plane, Sasha and Malia argue.
Malia: Why are you so greedy, Sasha? We don’t need a
million dollars.
Sasha: Yes, we do. Daddy’s gonna lose the election
next week, and we won’t be the First Family anymore.
Malia: Don’t worry, Sasha. I’m getting 5 million
dollars in a couple of days, and I’m gonna share it
with you, fifty-fifty. But you can’t tell daddy or
mommy.
Sasha: How are you gonna get 5 million dollars?
Malia: I found daddy’s college transcripts and
application and his passport application. I’m going
to give them to Donald Trump.
Sasha: You’d better not. You know daddy doesn’t want
anybody to know he was born in Kenya.
Eventually, Air Force One arrives at the Los Angeles
airport. The Obamas get into a limousine and drive
to Beverly Hills. They start knocking on doors. But
they get a lot of doors slammed in their face
because of Obama’s Romney mask. So he switches to
Plan B. He puts on an Elvis suit and wears an Obama
mask. Much better results, everywhere, especially at
Barbra Streisand’s house. She gave caviar and matzo
balls to everybody who knocked on her door. Morbidly
obese Michael Moore was the worst. He just had
lap-band surgery to lose weight, and he gave out
diet pills to everybody.
Then things got really, really nasty at Lindsay
Lohan’s house. Here’s what happened:
Lindsay answers the door herself. She comes to the
door with a marijuana cigarette hanging out of her
mouth and a half-empty bottle of tequila in her
hand. She’s drunk as a skunk. Two hunky dancers from
Chippendales are with her.
Lindsay: Wanna join the party?
Obama: Maybe. But you don’t know who I am. I could
be Mitt Romney wearing an Obama mask.
Lindsay: Take it off. Take it
all
off! Let me see what’s under there.
Obama: Get back in the car, kids. I’m gonna be here
for a while.
A couple of hours later, Obama gets back in the
limousine.
Sasha: What did Lindsay Lohan give us, daddy?
Obama: She was too busy giving
me
goodies, she forgot to give me any candy bars for
you. Sorry. I can’t go back. I made a fool of myself
in there.
Malia: What did you do in there, daddy?
Obama: You’re too young to know these things.
After a quick stop at Neil Patrick Harris’ house,
they head back to the airport.
Back on the plane, Obama and the kids pig out on
Halloween candy, then fall asleep. Obama has this
dream:
The ghost of Elvis floats into the Oval Office.
Obama’s got two buckets of Chick fil-A in his lap.
Elvis: Hey, Barry, why don’t you give up that fried
chicken? Try what I always ate—peanut butter and
banana sandwiches.
Obama: Chick fil-A showed up long after you died,
Elvis. I tried a peanut butter and banana sandwich
once. Didn’t like it at all.
Elvis: You didn’t build that—not the right way.
Obama: You know, Elvis, I’ve always wanted to
trick-or-treat in all 57 states. Hasn’t happened
yet. I need inspiration from you. Tell me stories
about what you did on Halloween when you were alive.
I’ll learn a lot from The King.
Elvis: You called me The King! Thank you. Thank you
very much!
Obama: We make a good team—you’re The King, and I’ll
soon be The Emperor.
What inspirational stories did Elvis’ ghost tell
Obama? You’ll learn about it in a future Fractured
Fairy Tale. Hint: It involves horses, battleships,
and bayonets.
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker,
trainer, and author of ten books, including
365
Powerful Ways to Influence and the
forthcoming
Guerrilla Deal-Making.
Deal-Making,
co-authored by Jay Conrad Levinson, is now available
for pre-purchase on Amazon.com. It contains the 100
most powerful tactics from
365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 countermeasures. There are
121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24
cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what
you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to
watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your
interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of
charge, at
www.DonaldHendon.com. Play his free online
Negotiation Poker game by going to
www.DonaldHendon.com/NegotiationPoker. Apps
will soon be available.