In God We Trust

Obama and the Whole Gang Head Back to Washington—Yet Another Fractured Fairy Tale

 

By Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com

In my last two fractured fairy tales, Obama, his speshul-weshul guy Kal Penn, and eight politicians went to a fund-raiser in San Francisco. Obama and Penn went to several gay bars in the Castro district, while the others went to Trax and Butter, two pick-up bars—and to Victoria’s Secret. Here’s what happened on the plane trip back to Washington: 

Florida congressman Trey Radel feels the others are ganging up on him, since he’s the only Republican on the plane—except for the pilots and the flight attendants. He thinks the best defense is a good offense, so he starts attacking ObamaScare.

Radel: ObamaScare is bad.

Ida, the flight attendant: How bad is it?

Radel: It’s so bad that my 14-year old dog, Baxter, received a letter from the health insurance exchange saying that Baxter had successfully enrolled in ObamaScare. But I can’t get enrolled!

Rob Ford, the crack-smoking Toronto mayor: Is that really true? If it is, your health care system is even worse than our system in Canada.

Radel: No, this really didn’t happen to me. But it did happen to a guy in Colorado. I think his name is Shane Smith.

Obama: Hey, I hear you guys followed Bill Clinton’s suggestion and went to the Victoria’s Secret store on Union Square after Kal and I went to the Castro District, where the best gay bars are. Did you guys have any luck there?

John Edwards: Clinton’s idea sucked! His only pick-up line didn’t work.

Kal: What was his line?

Edwards: What’s your secret?

Clinton: You guys didn’t stick around long enough to learn my real secret technique for pleasing the ladies.

Both Eliot Spitzer and Anthony Weiner shouted at the same time: So what’s your secret?

Clinton: Nibbling on the knee.

Bob “The Groper” Filner, the former San Diego mayor: Gee, I never thought of that. Does it really work?

Clinton: Sure does! Even Monica liked it!

Rob Ford, the crack-smoking Toronto mayor: Monica who?

Weiner: Nibbling on the knee sounds like a winner. How did you learn about it?

Clinton: Well, it was way back in 1979. A guy named Don Hendon told me about it.

Spitzer: Who’s Don Hendon?

Clinton: I’ll never forget that guy. He’s the only person who ever kicked me in the balls. He was a marketing professor at Arkansas State University when I was governor. I was banging a sexy Filipina, Maria Luisa something or other. I hired her to be the head of the state Economic Development department. Don Hendon did a lot of consulting in Asia and had a lot of contacts there. He was trying to sell her his consulting services. He had a really sexy wife, Rebecca. She was a Filipina, too.

Weiner: So how did he kick you in the balls? 

Clinton: I walked into Maria Luisa’s office and started talking to all of them. Don had to go to the bathroom, and I started flirting with his sexy wife. I didn’t see him coming back in, and I had my hand on his wife’s ass. He yelled, “Get your hands off my wife’s ass, you son of a bitch,” and then kicked me in the balls.

Weiner: Then what happened?

Clinton: I didn’t want to have him arrested because that would make me look bad. So I tried to calm him down by flattering him. I asked him, “How did you get that sexy Filipina to marry you? And, more important, how do you stay married?” And that’s when he told me his secret—nibbling on her knee. It worked for him, and it’s worked for me for many, many years.

Obama: Will it work on guys, too?

Clinton: Don’t know. I never tried it on guys.

Kal: Try it on me sometime, Bill.

Clinton: Don’t make me laugh!

Spitzer: Hey, speaking of laughing, let’s tell some Obama jokes.

Edwards: Here’s one: They say Obama’s arrogant. How arrogant is he? He’s so arrogant that when you enter the room, you have to kiss his ring. I don’t mind kissing his ring, but he keeps it in his back pocket.

Ford: Here’s another one—I can tell it, because I’m a Canadian: Obama just completed The Unholy and Anti-American Trifecta: The first president in 110 years to miss the annual Army-Navy football game. The first president to not attend any Christmas religious observance. The first president to go on vacation the day after a terrorist attack. And all in the same month! What a great Muslim president!

Obama: I don’t like that joke.

Ford: Don’t blame me—I got it from Don Rickles!

Dear readers, you’ve just finished another Trifecta. Three fractured fairy tales that began with Bill Gates’ condom contest, a trip with Obama and nine “friends” to San Francisco, and ended on a plane back to Washington. Hope you enjoyed them. That wild and crazy Obama’s antics never fail to inspire me, so watch for more Fractured Fairy Tales in the near future.

Copyright (c) 2013


 

Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 12 books, including The Way of the Warrior in Business, Guerrilla Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson), and 365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at www.DonaldHendon.com. Play Don’s free online Negotiation Poker game by going to www.GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.