Obama's Genuinely Phony Smile and His Genuinely Weird Signature (part 3 of 3)
By Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
Here’s the plot so far: It’s early June 2014. Obama
is flying to Normandy for the D-Day ceremonies. On
the plane, he and Dirty Harry Reid talk about how
they made their first million dollars. For Obama, it
was his genuinely phony Jimmy Carter smile and a ton
of book royalties from celebrity-chasing book
publishers. They wonder how much money Horrible
Hillary Clinton made from her latest book,
Hard
Choices.
Dirty Harry: I read Hillary’s
Hard
Choices. B-O-R-I-N-G. The only part I liked
was when she reminisced about her teenage years.
I’ll bet she was a real hottie when she was a
teenager!
Oh-Bummer: Yeah, I envy her so much. When she was
14, she met Saul Alinsky. I wish I had met him. She
ooh’d and ahh’d over him because she had read his
book, Rules
for Radicals, and loved the fact that he
dedicated his book to the devil.
Dirty Harry: Why the hell did Alinsky do that?
Oh-Bummer: She told me that Alinsky felt that
Lucifer was “the first radical known to man who
rebelled against the establishment and did it so
effectively that he at least won his own kingdom.”
She really had the hots for that bastard Alinsky!
She told me that she even cried when he had that
heart attack and died in 1972. Imagine that! A
25-year old broad crying over a dead radical! She
paid homage to him by writing her undergraduate
thesis about him. That’s when she was a political
science major at Wellesley College in Massachusetts.
What’s more…
Kal Penn notices that Oh-Bummer is getting bored, so
he breaks into the conversation.
Penn: Barry-baby, let me give you some advice. Spit
out your Nicorette gum before you get off the plane.
You kept chewing gum throughout the funeral service
of Nelson Mandela in South Africa last December.
And, worst of all, when you were looking at Mandela
in his casket, you took your gum out and stuck it
into his ear!
Oh-Bummer: Yeah, I’d better stop chewing gum in
public. Come here, my speshul-weshul guy. Let’s chew
on each other
for a while. Excuse us, Harry.
Harry discretely leaves the two love birds alone.
After the plane gets to Normandy, Oh-Bummer goes
back to his old tricks. He starts sweet-talking
Carla Bruni, that hot model who’s the wife of
France’s former president Nicolas Sarkozy. He came
on so strong that Michele gave them her famous
stink-eye. And when he gave her a love note with his
famous stylized autograph that looks like an
ejecting penis, she stormed away in disgust. (Note:
Check it out on the internet, folks. Just type in
“Obama’s penis signature.” You’ll see what I mean.)
Even Kal Penn was pissed off at him.
On the plane ride back, there was a lot of tension
in the air. The only person who talked to Oh-Bummer
was Dirty Harry. He said, “Don’t be so sad. Think of
all the money you’ve made because of your genuinely
phony Jimmy Carter smile. And remember this—you can
make a lot
more money if you take my advice.”
Oh-Bummer’s smile returned and his Dumbo ears
started flapping. “Tell me more,” he insisted.
Dirty Harry: Well, a software guy in St. George,
Utah, paid me big bucks to kill a federal
investigation into his $350 million fraudulent
software scheme.
Oh-Bummer’s ears started flapping so loudly, he
couldn’t hear anymore. As he was falling asleep, his
plane collided with the ghost plane, Malaysian Air
Lines Flight 370. Everybody on Air Force One died.
How’s that
for a happy ending, folks?
Note to my readers:
None of this stuff about bribes is true. We all know
that politicians are 100 percent trustworthy, and
they all go to Heaven when they die. After all, what
you’ve read here is nothing more than a Fractured
Fairy Tale.
Copyright (c) 2014
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker,
trainer, and author of 14 books, including
The Way of
the Warrior in Business,
Guerrilla
Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and
365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Levinson recently passed
away. He specifically chose Don to be his final
co-author—the person most qualified to
carry the torch of guerrilla marketing into
the 21st century.
Deal-Making
contains the 100 most powerful tactics from
365
Powerful Ways—along with 400 winning
countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics,
92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16
submissive ones to get what you want from other
people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31
tactics to prepare you for your interaction with
them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at
www.DonaldHendon.com. Play Don’s free online
Negotiation Poker game by going to
GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.