After the VP Debate, Obama Dreams About The Joker and the Altar Boy—A Fractured Fairy Tale
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
On October 11, 2012, Obama decides to watch the Vice
Presidential debate between Biden and Ryan in his
Choomobile at Camp David. That’s the replica of the
1970 VW Bus that he and his buddies from Punahou
School smoked weed and did cocaine back in Honolulu
in the 1970s. The nostalgic Obama had it built for
him by the Secret Service, and it’s his favorite
hideaway—whenever he wants to get away from Michelle
and the kids. This time, he takes four of his
Chicago buddies with him—Mayor Rahm Emmanuel, former
terrorists Bill Ayers and Bernadette Dohrn, and
“Little Dick” Daley, the former mayor. Here’s how
the conversation went:
Ayers: Hey, Barry, what’s that hanging on the
rear-view mirror?
Obama: My Nobel Peace Prize. Hey, you want a few? I
had the Secret Service make 1,000 duplicates. All 24
karat gold! Malia and Sasha use them to play
checkers all the time.
Daley: Sure, give me a bunch.
Emmanuel: Me, too. And, hey, I hope Biden does
better than you did, Barry. You sucked when you
debated Romney on October 3.
Obama: Yeah, I know. I sucked big-time! Even one of
my biggest fans, Chris Matthews over at MSNBC,
thinks so. He called me after I screwed up my debate
with Romney. He told me, “I didn’t have a tingle
up
my leg this time, Mr. President. I had a tingle
down my leg.” I said, “What do you mean?” Chris said, “You
were so bad, I wet my pants.
Lots of smoking and drinking. After everybody is
high as a kite, the VP debate begins. The TV screen
is hard to see with all the smoke. Everybody is
quiet. After about 5 minutes, Rahm Emmanuel yells,
“What the hell’s going on with Biden? He reminds me
of the Joker in those Batman movies and comics.”
Bill Ayers adds, “And Paul Ryan looks like an altar
boy!”
Bernadette Dohrn says, “You know, I always had the
hots for Batman, but I never did like the Joker. And
you’re right, Rahm, Biden has a very evil smile. And
he’s always smirking. He looks like a jerk. What do
you think, Bill?”
Her husband replies, “Yeah, he looks like a jerk and
acts like a bully! Why the hell did you pick Biden
for VP this time around, Barry? Hell, Sarah Palin
would have been a better pick than The Joker.”
Then, “Little Dick” Daley chimed in with this
comment: “Biden’s a jerk, all right. And he sounds
like an
evil jerk—just listen to that evil laugh of
his!”
After the debate is over, the Chicago gang head back
home on Air Force One, and Obama decides to sleep at
Camp David. Disgusted with Biden’s imitation of The
Joker, he has a hard time going to sleep, so he
drinks two six-packs of beer. Here’s his dream:
It’s the day before the VP debate. Obama has a party
for all the garbage men in Washington. He hugs each
of them as they come in. There are two
party-crashers: Movie star Jack Nicholson, in his
Joker makeup from his 1989 Batman movie, and Joe
Biden, dressed as Robin the Boy Wonder, come into
the Oval Office. Biden is drinking from a bottle
labeled Joker Juice. He hugs them, too.
Obama: Hey, Joe, what’s that you’re drinking?
Biden: A witch doctor made it for me. I’m tired of
being Batman’s sidekick. In fact, I’d like to kick
Batman’s side. The witch doctor told me if I drank
enough of this Joker Juice, I’d turn into the Joker
and beat the hell out of him!
Nicholson: You stupid-looking sissy in those short
pants! You’ll never be able to beat me up. Not with
all the Joker Juice in the world! You give up too
easily. Hell, you could have won the Democratic
nomination in 2008 if you had tried harder.
Biden tries to throw a punch at Nicholson, but an
angelic-looking altar boy bursts into the room and
breaks up the fight. It’s Paul Ryan!
Ryan: Hey, Joe, quit causing trouble. I don’t want
you to hurt yourself. I don’t want you to have any
excuse to miss our debate tomorrow night.
Biden chug-a-lugs the rest of his Joker juice and
turns into The Joker, green suit and all. He says
with an evil, sinister laugh, “I’ll beat the hell
out of you tomorrow night, you sissy!”
Obama gets the Secret Service to break up the fight.
After hugging all the several hundred garbage men
goodbye, he meets with John Galvin, the head of the
Bureau of Labor Statistics. Here’s how the
conversation went:
Obama: John, I’ve got to get unemployment below 8
percent. I’m desperate.
Galvin: Is that why you haven’t had a press
conference in seven months? To hide from reporters?
Obama: No, I’ve got the press corps in my pocket.
Nobody except Fox News asks me tough questions. And
I always ignore Fox News anyway. I don’t do press
conferences because I’m just plain lazy. You know
that!
Galvin: That’s for sure.
Obama: Anyway, John, I’d like you to cook the books
for me. Get unemployment below 8 percent. It’ll be
the first time it’s below 8 percent since I was
elected. And it will help me win the election. If
you do, I’ll give you a bunch of 24-karat replicas
of my Nobel Peace Prize.
Before Galvin can answer, the ghost of Obama’s hero,
Saul Alinsky, the author of
Rules for
Radicals, comes into the room. What did he
and Obama talk about? The answer is in my next
fractured fairy tale.
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 8 books, including 365 Powerful Ways to Influence and the forthcoming Guerrilla Deal-Making. Deal-Making, co-authored by Jay Conrad Levinson, is now available for pre-purchase on Amazon.com. It contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at www.DonaldHendon.com. Play his free online Negotiation Poker game by going to www.DonaldHendon.com/NegotiationPoker. Apps will soon be available.